Jul
6
Foreboding vs. Hope
Filed Under Family & Friends, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Last night, McKayla spent the night with me. Jess’ boyfriend was coming home from a week long trip and she wanted to spend a night alone with him. I love when I get to babysit McKayla overnight.
We played games, watched a sparkler bomb that Dan made, watched tv, and then we listened to music. I watched her dancing. We were both exhausted and passed out a little after 1am.
She woke up in the middle of the night and while I was rocking her I was struck by the realization that I might have to have my uterus removed. I want children. I wasn’t sure before, but now I know I want my own kids.
I started crying. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a bawl-fest. I haven’t cried in a few months and I assumed that once I did, it would be an all out emotional breakdown. It wasn’t, but that may be that’s because I had the comfort of holding McKayla in my arms, with her head against my chest…
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Jul
5
Super High Me
Filed Under Misc | Leave a Comment
In honor of the DEA’s birthday, I watched “Super High Me.”
This is a documentary using a similiar premise as “Super Size Me.” The difference is the man spends 30 days without smoking any marijuana and then the next 30 days smoking almost all day. I found it humorous, interesting, and enlightening.
Watch it now: Super High Me
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5
Indiana Boys on a Rainy Oklahoma Night
Filed Under Events, Guys | Leave a Comment
Tori, Tamara, Beau, and I sat around my room until after 3am trying to figure out what to do about those guys we ditched and how to get her car back without having to face them.
We decided to have Beau call Dustin and tell him that Tamara and I were popped while trying to get rid of some Ecstasy and that Beau was going to go bail us out.
Beau told Dustin to grab his friend, get their stuff, and then walk up the street to the Phillips 66 gas station to meet up with him so they could go with him to get us from jail.
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Jul
4
A Fourth of July to be Remembered…
Filed Under Events | Leave a Comment
Around noon today Tamara wanted me to go with her to meet a couple dudes at the bus station. I am her wingman, so I agreed. They came down here from Indiana to see “us.” Oh man, I am so NOT gonna do that again.
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Jul
4
Independence Day 2008
Filed Under Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Independence day… What is there to say about that? Plenty. I’m not in much of a mood to celebrate “Independence Day” because I don’t feel like we have the amount of freedom our forefathers intended.
Being an American sure isn’t what it used to be. Honestly, I’d much rather be Canadian because: I loathe George W. Bush and his whole political family; I can’t stand the big greedy corporations; our justice system is a complete joke; and the American government is taking more and more of our freedom and civil liberties away by adding this stipulation or that amendment and they are more concerned with making other countries convert to democracy than the decline of our own democracy.
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Jul
4
Twelve things to do if your loved one has a mood disorder
Filed Under Bipolar Disorder, Family & Friends | Leave a Comment
1. Don’t regard this as a family disgrace or a subject of shame. Mood disorders are biochemical in nature, just like diabetes, and are just as treatable.
2. Don’t nag, preach or lecture to the person. Chances are he/she has already told him or herself everything you can tell them. He/she will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their feeling of isolation or force one to make promises that cannot possibly be kept. (I promise I’ll feel better tomorrow honey; I’ll do it then, okay?)
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Jul
3
Restless
Filed Under Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Ok, here it is, 8:13 a.m. and I am wide fucking awake. I woke up at 2:30-ish, which means I slept about two and a half hours. Shortly after I woke up I had the urge to crochet. I feel like an old lady or something, but I have to keep my hands busy, it is the only thing that challenges the restlessness.
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Jul
2
Hanging with My Niece and Nephew
Filed Under Family & Friends | Leave a Comment
Yesterday, Jacob and Taylor wanted to stay the night. I let them because there are some issues going on at their home and I thought they needed some time away from there.
I had to get my oil changed so we went to Wal-Mart. As usual, the wait was 2 hours. I’ve been putting it off for about 3k miles so I knew I needed to just be patient and get it done. The kids, Tori, and I decided to kill 2 hours in Wal-Mart.
The arts/crafts section is right next to automotive so it was the first thing we seen as soon as we walked in the store. We decided to check it out. I swear we spent an hour alone on those aisles.
I bought some crocheting stuff and a weaving loom. I love weaving and I’m good at it. Crocheting on the other hand… I tried to teach myself how to do it about 5 years ago, and I was able to do a few basics, but I quickly lost interest. Hopefully, this time I’ll give it more time. My great-aunt knows how to do it, so I’ll probably have her teach me. It’s so much easier to learn from a live person instead of a book. After we got home we all went to work on the crafts that we got. I enjoyed spending time with the kids, like a family.
I’m starting to hear the ticking of my biological clock.
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1
I Made it to the 6 Month Mark!
Filed Under Self-Injury | 1 Comment
Current Mood:
Happy
Woohoo! It’s been 6 whole months (as of today) since I relapsed and self-injured. I’m excited and proud. June has been my relapse month for the past 2 years, but not this year.
I certainly won’t say there hasn’t been any temptation to cut or bloodlet during the past 6 months because I’d be lying through my fingers. However, when the urges presented themselves I resisted and that is what matters.
Charlotte would be so proud of me. I think I’ll leave her a message later.
I think I’ll do something special for myself today. I deserve it.
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30
Dan & Tamara Goofing off
Filed Under Family & Friends | Leave a Comment
Here is a video from this morning.
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